I was in a conversation with a girlfriend yesterday, when she shared with me some ‘home-truths’ about myself.
It’s never easy hearing things about yourself that might not be so great, but it’s always valuable when it comes from someone you respect and has no malicious intention with their words.

(Not me, but what we were doing yesterday!)
Now, if you don’t know me, stop reading! You won’t care what I say from here on in. But if you do, or want to get to know me better, read on.
Maybe what I share might resonate with you…possibly help you also.
My friend said that I keep people at arm’s length. That I don’t let anyone close. So close that they see my vulnerabilities. She said that everyone ‘loves us’ yet many of those same people don’t really know us and she struggled with why they would love us without a close relationship where I give of myself on a deeper level. That she would not be in a relationship with me unless I was able to go deeper than ‘surface’.
I’ve pondered this all night! Thank you, friend, for helping me to see how I can come across. Let me share a big part of the reason why I came to be this way.
Back here, I told the story of being bullied at school by a couple of the popular girls who turned the whole school year against me, causing deep wounds over a 2-year period form Year 4 to 6. They alienated me, making life miserable. Whispered lies became cruel taunts, and my world fell apart. My mistrust of females was birthed.
The cruelty they showed impacted my life greatly.
I became a solo agent. I lost myself in a world of books, played with my older brothers male friends, joined male sporting teams, (baseball and touch footy) and became extremely tight knit within my family.
What we go through defines us.
Noone can suffer trauma and not have it affect them in some way.
If you’ve been physically hurt, you will always be wary – even though you can learn to love again.
If you’ve lost everything financially, you will always be cautious – even though you can learn to be generous again with what you have.
What happened to me as a 10-12 year old has resulted in a few things:
* I cannot stand ‘CLIQUES’. Small groups in the playground gossiping and whispering and pointed looks at the odd kid left unchecked become gossiping, cruel, malicious adults. I will leave a conversation where people are talking about an absent friend. Want to get me angry? Start talking about your girlfriend in a not-so-nice light.
What do you say about me when I’m not there?
I read that you can’t be trusted with my heart.

* I am an INCLUDER. If I have a family over for a BBQ at my home, I will invite 5 more families as well. If’ I’m having 20 people over, why not 30?
I don’t want anyone to feel left out.
* I can’t stand to see people left on the sidelines. That’s why my husband and I began a CONNECT lounge at our church. To ensure that newer people to the place, and those who haven’t found some friends to chat to after the service will always have somewhere to go.
* I am more comfortable with men than women. I am working on my female friendships, (I actually asked some girls to come to the movies with me, instead of going alone like I usually do – big breakthrough there!!)
If there’s a footy or cricket game going on, I will join in rather than sit on the sideline commenting on the players on the field.
* I will scan a room and go talk to the ‘loner’. I don’t want them to feel even one minute of isolation because other people are chatting with their mates and don’t notice the person in the corner.
* My favourite thing to do is put on celebrations – big parties, wedding, family gatherings, or church picnics…anything that brings people together.

I’m not great at one-on-one, but I can do BIG well! I will ensure you have a wonderful time, and take it personally if you don’t enjoy yourself. I work hard as a host to give of myself, so that you ‘feel the love’ while you’re here. I’ve had total strangers to my home on Christmas Day, because they had no family in the area and I didn’t want them to be alone on the best day of the year.
* It’s probably a part of why I came to be a foster mother. The thought of a child left alone, mistreated and neglected sends shivers up my spine. If only I had the capacity to take them all in, but I know this is unrealistic.
* I know that in life there are only ever a handful of people who you really, truly be who you are – warts and all.
My husband and my children are my safe haven.
* And finally, it is why I want everyone to come to know my saviour Jesus. Because even though the world says that all good people go to heaven, it’s just not true. Only those saved by faith in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
And I don’t want anyone to MISS OUT.